whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
