k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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