My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
