My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
