people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
