Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
