Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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