The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
