Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
