Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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