best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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