I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
