I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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