is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
