Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
