when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
