made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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