I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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