We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
