i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
