Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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