It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
