Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
