Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
