just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
