Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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