And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no you cant smoke seaweed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
