I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
