So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
