there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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