It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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