My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
