Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize