the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
