Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
