Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
