dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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