Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
