You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
