So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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