Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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