dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
