His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
