Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
