I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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