he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
