Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my poor anus
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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