so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
