is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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