hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
