No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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