We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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