If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
