yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
