I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
