I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
