when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
