I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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