what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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