if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
