You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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