Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
