I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
