My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize