Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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