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• (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".

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• (949): View more from California

  it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink

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• (210): View more from Texas

  He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.

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• (323): View more from California

  Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips

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