Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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