Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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