Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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