i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
