You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
