my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
