Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
