how can u be prego again
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just had sex bonerless
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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