You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
