6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
