Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
