I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
