Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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