Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So many bounce houses so little time
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
