You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize