You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
