so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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