So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
