We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
