i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
