We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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