Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
