I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
