she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
