Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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