i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
