We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He shit in the fireplace
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